By the way, I have something
to ask Kevin. He, uh… On Twitter and Instagram,
you-you… you’re an artist. I see these things you pop up,
if we have one. Are they paintings, are they
sketches, or what are they? -That’s cool. Freddie Mercury.
Isn’t that good? -Wow. -BEITZ: Oh, my God!
-NEALON: That is so nice of you. -(applause and cheering) -SPADE:
Who knew you had some talent. That’s, uh, Freddie Mercury.
Yeah. That’s, uh… I did that one
on a digital, uh, tablet. Oh, you do ’em on a tablet? -Oh, that’s crazy.
-His pubes go all the way up. -Yeah, he’s got a treasure
trail. It’s nice. -(laughter) And the cord goes
into the pants. -Oh, you drew this?
-Oh, you drew it. -Oh, wow. I love that.
-Isn’t that nice? Thank you.
I sell these for $5,000 a piece. -SPADE: Oh, yeah?
-(applause) If anybody wants
to stick around, Kevin will be sketching everyone
after the taping, uh, uh, on the house. Okay, speaking of food, Oscar
nom-noms were announced today. Ha-ha. There was a real lack
of diversity. For example, did you notice how many of the nominees
were professional actors? -Every one.
-LARA: Yeah, that’s bullshit. No rookies this year.
Anyway, two of our greatest actors
were snubbed– De Niro and J.Lo,
and this is, uh… This is sad because…. Which is which, first of all? (laughter) J.Lo is pretty.
She’s got that down. -I mean, my God.
-She is pretty. She really is sticking with the V neck down
to your vagina note. Playing that
for a long time. But seriously, how much time
do you think went -into making De Niro look old
like that? -(laughter) -(laughter)
-SPADE: Oh, my God. She looks a little like Kate
Hudson there. Is that crazy? But I will say
that the Hustlers movie, first of all,
I didn’t love the idea of… they’re robbing these guys
in the strip club. The guys are going into
the strip club to help them. That’s their job.
They want people to come in. And then they go,
“We got to get rid of these guys and steal all their money.”
So I didn’t love that. So I’m okay with it.
But I don’t want to pile on her. She’s had a rough day. I will say that
it’s embarrassing, like, ’cause she has a soft hold on some Oscar dress
at Bloomingdale’s. -(laughter) -You know?
And she has to call up and go, -“I don’t need it anymore.”
-Let me guess, it’s a V-neck that goes down to her vagina. -(laughter)
-I know. What do you have in a V… sort
of, like, of this kind of dress? -What do you have that’s sort of
my look? -What I don’t get is, like, how is it
that she was snubbed just because she didn’t…
get nominated? Like, I didn’t get
the Mark Twain Award. I wasn’t snubbed.
I just didn’t get it. Like, you have
millions of dollars, you got to bang Ben Affleck–
you win, bitch, you’re fine. -Just enjoy life.
-(laughter) -It’s true. (applause) But really, you know, you’re
not nominated for an Oscar. You’re nominated to spend
a lot of money on a tuxedo and getting made up like that. So it’s really… for me,
it would be an inconvenience -(laughter) -to be nominated,
that’s all I’m saying. You know,
they’re complaining a lot about lack of diversity
in the nominations this year, and, uh, you know,
this isn’t a very diverse panel, but in Spade’s de…
in Spade’s defense, he thought Jeremiah Watkins
was a black comic, so… -(laughter)
-SPADE: That is true. I talked about it all meeting.
I had no idea. I’m a woman–
I did my part. -(laughter)
-SPADE: Yeah. -Yeah, hell yeah. -You’re a
woman, but you’re a white woman. Well, what about, uh, Yoken,
uh, Yoken, uh, Phoenix… -(laughter)
-got, um… got nominated. -Who did?
-Yoken? -Yoken Phoenix. -Oh, oh,
Joaquin, Joaquin, Kevin. -Joaquin.
-No. It’s Yoken. -Okay.
-SPADE: Oh, it is. -Digging his heels in.
Standing by that. -Yeah, I am. But anytime
you put face paint on, -you’re gonna get nominated.
I mean, that’s… -(laughter) -SPADE: That’s a gimme?
-Yeah. And if, you know, if crying doesn’t work,
go with the face paint. Those are the scenes
that kill it. Yeah. I saw Yoker.
It was pretty good. Uh, the biggest snub
in my opinion was Uncut Gems! I loved Uncut Gems
for Best Picture. -(applause, whooping)
-Because… They could have had ten
nominees; they only did nine. I think it
would have made it exciting -if they nominated Sandler.
-It would be more fun, for sure. Yeah, people
would be rooting for him. I think they probably just
didn’t want him showing up (laughs):
in basketball shorts. (laughter) But it does hurt, though,
that they could have done ten and they did nine– that
would be like if The Bachelor got to choose from 30 women,
and the 30th woman showed up, and he’s like, “29’s good.
I can pick from… Yeah. I feel like ten
was snubbed– the number ten. Because it didn’t make it…
Now, that’s a strong opinion. -I think ten is fine.
-Ten’s fine. I also feel like,
uh, Sandler can fall back on his $800 million deal
with Netflix. So he’s gonna land on his feet. -I’m more worried about me.
-It’s really not… -it’s not about money.
-You’re right. Okay. It’s more Oscar’s so boring
this time. No host. No Sandler. -No De Niro.
-NEALON: No nominees. No J.Lo. Yeah. I think we’ve got
this thing fixed.