The New Cruise Deal for Partyers (feat. Brad Garrett) – Lights Out with David Spade

The New Cruise Deal for Partyers (feat. Brad Garrett) – Lights Out with David Spade


Virgin Voyages has launched
a hard-partying adults-only cruise liner
where kids are not allowed. Passengers have access
to onboard tattoo parlor, karaoke room, app that gives them champagne
all night. Uh, hopefully, they have access
to condoms and penicillin. (laughter) They want me to say, “Brad, you look like a monster
who lives in the ocean.” What do you think?
I’m not saying it. I’m not gonna say it. No, you don’t. You’re tan, you look good. -Because of his tan.
-Yeah, you look good. -That’s why.
-The tan… -You’re tan
like an ocean monster. -Yeah. A tan fixes everything. So this… this… Brad? I’m here. I’m taking it all in. SPADE:
Okay. It’s nice. They have Plan B on your pillow,
like a mint when you go to bed. A virgin cruise. When I heard, “Virgin cruise,” I was like,
“A cruise for virgins.” -KILLAM: Right.
-They’re all, um… -KILLAM: Now by the end of it…
-And they may very well be. -Yeah.
-They found each other. -Or you get virgins.
-KILLAM: Oh, nice. -So… it’s an Epstein…
-SPADE: Oh, that would be a… -a higher… higher priced…
-Have you ever been on a cruise? -Epstein.
-Cruise lines. Epstein Cruise Lines. So criminal,
you’ll kill yourself. That’s a new GoFundMe. -Go ahead, Brad.
-Have you ever been on a cruise? Well, you probably
have your own yacht. You got a big yacht? You seem like a… Sometimes
they let you steer, right? -They hold you up?
-I go on Sandler’s. But… I’ve only been
on a couple cruises. I don’t think
you need champagne. I think you should…
the thing is, is you shake your phone
and they bring champagne? -Is that…?
-Yeah, the app, yeah. Yeah. I’ll tell you
what you really need. Uh, you should be able
to shake your phone, and they should deliver
a bottle of imodium. -(laughter)
-Because, um… I’ve been on these cruises, and-and the dumper’s
gonna take a punch. And I’m saying this… I would
never say anything up front, but you’re gonna… you’re
gonna shit like a wounded goose -(laughter)
-for about… for about five days. -Yeah?
-For about five days. Not you,
’cause I know things just go. You-you probably hold on
to your stuff for the winter. -Yeah.
-Right? Poop on weekends. -Um…
-(laughter) they also said
they have lawyers on board in case your wife
accidentally falls over. Because a lot of guys go,
“Hey, Captain, “sharp left turn
at three o’clock. Honey. Sploosh.” You killing your wife,
that’s hilarious. Anyway… I know, it’s funny. -Um…
-It’s fun. It could be husband.
It could be husband. -We had a big debate
over that. Uh… -(laughter) A new study
probably written by a comedian shows that farmers have
the most sex of any profession. -(laughter) -Well, sure,
the cows aren’t that fast. -(laughter)
-That’s right. Uh… boy. I’m grateful for milk
and eggs and corn. I could not do that on my own. SPADE:
Got to keep ’em happy. The study found, uh–
of course, over in the UK, -I don’t know why…
-Is this really a farmer? -(laughter)
-It’s a hipster. Come on, it… it looks like…
it looks like August -in the gay calendar.
-(laughter) -SPADE: In the gay calendar?
-Come on… Okay, there’s just corn
everywhere! It’s as tall
as an elephant’s eye! (laughter) You don’t get letters,
do you, Davey? -No.
-(laughter) 67% of the farmers claim
to be incredible in the bedroom, followed by doctors and lawyers. -So they’re…
-So they study themselves? -Yeah, they’re saying…
-They study themselves, they’re like,
“I’m great in bed.” It’s a loose study
where they claim– if they’re claiming,
I would say… I-I would just say, “I’m good.”
I don’t know why… I don’t know why doctors
and lawyers are lowballing it. (laughter) That is… I think you gotta… You’ll… you’ll have
a writers meeting after? -Yeah, right after.
-(laughter) These are…
these are just off the top. Yeah. -Go ahead, you have a…
-Well, no, I don’t, uh… You know, being a…
being a Jew, I haven’t been on many farms. (laughter) -SPADE: Okay.
-I was on a fat farm, and… -Does rehab count?
-(laughter) Well, we were on all fours. People were feeding us kibble,
that’s all I remember. We’re gonna… we’re gonna move
over to some inspirational news. Uh, an Instagram model
in Bucharest says she makes
one and a half million a year by posting pictures
of her huge, fake butt. This is who I always wind up
sitting next to in coach. -It’s, like…
-(laughter) Like, is that butt carry-on?
Can you throw it up there? Oh, you’ve never been in coach
in your life. (laughter) God, I’ve been in… I used
to take Southwest all the time. -Is that right?
-Yean. No. -(laughter)
-No, I did. I’m from Arizona. I take it all the time, and… And Southwest is the only one
that’ll go there? -(laughter)
-Southwest is… it’s always full,
like, when you get on. First of all, they go,
“Take a middle seat,” you know. “Quit looking for an aisle. We’re the only
all-middle-seat airline.” (laughter) Like, “You paid $89. “What do you want,
(bleep) miracles? You knew what you
were getting yourself into.” I do love the functionality
of a butt like that, ’cause if you have that butt,
you never have to be afraid that you’re gonna sit
in front of me at a theater, because I’ll always be able
to see right over you. I paid good money
for these seats. -(laughter)
-He’s from Bucharest. I’ve been–
it’s down by Alhambra, I think. -(laughter)
-By the airport. That whole area’s nice.

34 Comments

  • mariguano13

    October 12, 2019

    😂

    Reply
  • team 89er

    October 12, 2019

    0:20 Brad does look like a monster but also kind hearted person according to Marie. RIP Marie

    Reply
  • J C

    October 12, 2019

    Bill Burr is going to fix that whole cruise ship situation when he's president.

    Reply
  • Darryl Knox

    October 12, 2019

    Some people shouldn't be allowed to vamp…

    Reply
  • Eric Burkheimer

    October 12, 2019

    I want a cruise line that offers good party drugs.

    Reply
  • Jasper Störningar

    October 12, 2019

    god damn I love this channel

    Reply
  • T.BONE/SIDE OF LIFE

    October 12, 2019

    Old MacDonald getting down on his farm, E-I-E-I-O, OH YEAH, E-I OH BABY!!

    Reply
  • goldwincs

    October 12, 2019

    2:46 "is that really a farmer? it looks like August in the gay calendar." LMAO that's a good one

    Reply
  • Vinson

    October 12, 2019

    Brad's quick off the cuff..funny!
    Actor, comedian, light bulb changer…nice.

    Reply
  • Trish Anderson

    October 12, 2019

    Yeah the cows aren’t that fast!! Lmao

    Reply
  • Vamanos Ninja

    October 12, 2019

    Taran is a nice person

    Reply
  • RIXRADvidz

    October 12, 2019

    it's down by Alhambra….

    Reply
  • han36solo

    October 12, 2019

    Brad is hilarious.

    Reply
  • Balasaravanan Palanirajh

    October 12, 2019

    👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
    On that cruise news

    That silent clap

    Reply
  • John Lee

    October 12, 2019

    @2:29 – Taran must be spending time up'nord with his wife's family, because his intonation and delivery was exactly like Letterkenny Wayne

    Reply
  • J H

    October 12, 2019

    More Brad Garrett please. Thank you!

    Reply
  • A.C. B. ART

    October 12, 2019

    Dumper punch…

    Reply
  • A n g e l o

    October 12, 2019

    1:13 sometimes they let you steer, they hold you up? 😂

    Reply
  • A n g e l o

    October 12, 2019

    1:50 not you, you probably hold onto your feces for the winter 😂

    Reply
  • Alan V.

    October 12, 2019

    I think Brad Garrett should play Anthony Bourdain in his biopic.

    Reply
  • aandgdesigngroup

    October 12, 2019

    Bucharest is great and Romanian women are mostly hot…not the fake-butt ones…

    Reply
  • Recusant BilE

    October 12, 2019

    DAVIDFUCKINSPADERULEZ!!!

    Reply
  • BlueManRedManYellow

    October 12, 2019

    București in the house

    Reply
  • walkalittle

    October 12, 2019

    One of the few comedic shows that is just consistently funny AF

    Reply
  • moxbroker

    October 13, 2019

    Who the fuck is getting a tattoo on the ocean?

    Reply
  • Robert Schwartz

    October 13, 2019

    An adult party cruise—and a tattoo parlor. Let's count the lawsuits in advance.

    Reply
  • teresa addison

    October 13, 2019

    Love this show😘

    Reply
  • Theron Hayden

    October 13, 2019

    "The dumpers going to take a punch" 🤣

    Reply
  • Cam Drums

    October 13, 2019

    Brad Garrett is like a really tan Anthony Bourdain

    Reply
  • pfzt

    October 13, 2019

    i had many doubts but this show turns out to be somewhat of a comedy gem with all the surprisingly well chosen funny and quick guests in every episode.

    Reply
  • Rolling Ormond

    October 13, 2019

    I like Spade but really just shallow bullshit. Angelenos stuck in their own navels. So much going on the world.

    Reply
  • Christopher Michael

    October 13, 2019

    This was rapid fire! I love the wit! Genius level.

    Reply
  • Night Knight

    October 14, 2019

    "Epstein Cruse Lines…so criminal you'll kill yourself". Thanks Taran Killam!

    Reply
  • Yautja Prime

    October 14, 2019

    Farmers wake up at the crack of dawn and go to sleep very early. They have no time for anything other than eating, sleeping, fucking, and going to the bathroom.

    Reply

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