In curious news, um, Megan Fox sends her kids
to a vegan school where they plant and harvest
their own food. So my gut reaction is
to make fun of this, of course, but I’m not sure. I’m sort of on the fence now. Brad, you have a baby
on the way. Are you gonna raise it
on this, on her farm? I don’t know.
Like, I-I read the story, and she teaches her kids
that plants have feelings and emotions and they hurt. And, you know,
women love bad boys, so, Megan, check this out. SPADE:
No! Whoa. (laughter) (mouthing) (applause and cheering) And call me? I could hear that scream. They also say that the kids have to plant the food
in the schoolyard -and then go out and sell it
-And sell it. -to restaurants later that day.
-Right. So that’s– Some poor kid
is walking up and down Ventura Boulevard
with a tomato at midnight. Trying to hawk it to Chipotle,
you know. Yes. And these are, these
are millionaire children -Yeah. -that now have to live
like they’re Amish. -SPADE: That’s exactly true.
-So, like, this is like… -This is extra. -Yeah.
He’s like, “Mom, uh, weren’t you in Transformers ? Do I sleep
on a wicker bed now? She teaches her kids
that plants have feelings, and then she makes them
grow the plants and sell the plants off
to strangers. She’s the Jeffrey Epstein
of vegetables. SPADE:
Oh, my God. -He didn’t commit suicide,
by the way. -No, he did not. Every week, her poor neighbor’s
landscaper shows up she’s screaming from the porch,
“Murderers.” I’d rather a Ugandan guy fart
in my face than go to a vegan
elementary school. (applause) She’s at home one night going, “Honey, the word around
the neighborhood “is we’re not
pretentious enough. Is there anything
we could do to fix that?” And the kid’s like, “Mom,
maybe one more Transformers. I mean, it wouldn’t kill you.” All right, uh, a body builder
in Kazakhstan– Is that where Borat lives? -Yeah, no, I’m pretty– Is it?
-Yeah. -Yeah. -It is? -It’s over,
that’s past La Mirada. (laughter) -You don’t go that far.
-No, I hear it on traffic, but I don’t know where it is. Uh, admitted to getting his
fiancée plastic surgery. Here’s the twist: Uh, his girlfriend
is a silicone sex doll. Silicone sex doll named Margo,
and here’s them. She’s actually really pretty. Um, when your girlfriend
is plastic, isn’t it just surgery? It’s just all weird
across the board. Yeah, like,
if you wanted to have sex with an emotionless piece
of plastic, I’m sure you could
introduce them to plenty of
the Vanderpump Rules cast. SPADE:
Yeah, that’s right. -Not you, Stassi.
-Not you. Oh, no, I have– No, yeah. I have a fake chin,
so, yes, me. -SPADE: No, not you.
-Where’s the camera? Listen, at least she can write
funny captions. SCHROEDER: I’m not mad–
I’m not mad at this because I’ve been wondering what
to get my fiancé for Christmas, and now I know, a doll
that is exactly me. -That’s exact… Yeah.
-So… -There’s that. I mean…
-That is similar. Listen, if we’re in a fight,
if we’re arguing, go into the other room with me.
With nice me. -Yeah.
-SPADE: Take it out on her. I love that we have to ban
glitter and straws, but yet some sea turtle’s gonna
choke on this woman’s tits. -(laughter and applause)
-SPADE: Her tits. Nobody…
Nobody seems to give a damn. He’s married to a sex doll.
You know that… But you know
the marriage goes south the minute he has to clean it. -FRANJOLA: Yeah.
-SPADE: Oh, yeah. (groaning) You stuff that gal
into a dishwasher, -she’s ready to go
in 45 minutes. -Yeah! Just get out there
with some 409. (imitates spraying, squeaking) “Ready, babe? Big party night.” (imitates spraying, squeaking) “Nobu.”
(imitates squeaking) -Just keep making those noises.
-Nobody does the squeak noise -quite like Spade.
-SPADE: Oh, yes, good. -That’s a good one.
-It’s the greatest thing ever. -My favorite.
-Yeah. Anyway, all right. Well, uh,
any final thoughts on this? Wait, wait. So,
what is the Amazon, like, uh… What is the Amazon URL
to get this again? -Oh, do you want to get it?
-New Christmas present. -Oh, this is a real stocking
stuffer. -In my likeness. Yeah. This is the Stassi doll. -That actually would do pretty
well. -Oh, that would do… -That would do really well.
-Yeah. -Thank you. Yeah, that would be really… -Too well.
-But you don’t… Wait, you don’t have one
of those, do you? Wait, you’re kidding, right?
You don’t have one. We’ll check your website later.